Tranquility-Calmness Parenting of Modern Stoicism

Parental anxiety increased during the covid 19 pandemic in 2019, many parents had to go more extra to look after and care for their children at home. Parents become irrational in thinking, their emotions become unstable which results in miscommunication and misunderstanding with children. Thus this research aims to uncover concepts and applications of parenting from the perspective of modern-era stoicism that can answer the problem of anxiety in parents today in realizing calm and happiness. Through Research Library and methods Content Analysis the author uses a cognitive psychology approach and a philosophical approach model on actual problems. The results of study include an explanation of application of parenting from the perspective of modern-era stoicism, which are self-control and emotion, focus on what is controlled, trichotomy of control, educating children with calm wisdom and being grateful, foster children's social relations, understand about loss or death, and find peace of self.


Introduction
Based on the National Worried Survey in Indonesia conducted on 11 -18 November 2017 with several respondents 3,634 respondents and a composition of 70% female respondents, performed by Henry Manampiring.One source of concern is the worry as parents who reach 43% with a fairly high level of worry, worry about trying to have offspring that reach 34% with a fairly worried percentage and some of the causes of concern for the author to anchor, viz first, worried about children's school fees and children's academic achievements, second, worried that the child has a severe illness or accident and child health costs, third, worried that the child is involved in delinquency, for example drugs and free sex, fourth, worried that the child does not carry out religious orders and finally, the child's relationship and parents are not harmonious (Henry Manampiring, 2021).The survey cannot be said to be comprehensive or only part of a few Indonesian populations, so the author quotes from the Asianparent media page, which has been extracted from leading business media, Bussiness Insider (Syahar Banu, 2021).Here are some forms of indications of concerns and errors in the concept of parenting that is, pampering children (children not independent), often shouting at children (uncontrolled emotions), Parenting Helicopter (old man overprotective), undisciplined child's sleep time, watching excessive television under the age of 3 years, fiction smartphone in parents, apathetic parents (broken home), parenting inconsistencies, Inner Child in parents (Elly Risman, 2021) and Social Comparation.
Parental problems and concerns increased during the Covid 19 pandemic in 2019, many parents had to go more extra to look after and care for their children at home, more than 50% of daycare centers are closed, many schools teach virtually and children need help from parents all the time, some parents must "work from home" and also trying to watch over his children simultaneously, several other parents must take time off, reduce working hours and even quit their jobs and some other parents also have to lose their workers so they are worried about being able to support their families.
Meredith Alexander, a writer and also a researcher on the philosophy of Stoicism provides an elaboration on Stoic Parenting on his website the Stoic Mom and also the Modernstoicism.comwebsite, She examines several crises parenting in America one of them arises intensive care from parents that some of them especially those with middle and upper income to race and try to shape their children to succeed and shape their children to excel in all fields of science through any means, which is illegal.It is this kind of polemic that makes Beliau believe in the language of such an unhealthy act of parenting so that he turns to Stoicism philosophy to practice his rational, cognitive, and emotional focus to be more rational, attentive, and not too anxious and not excessive in controlling children, giving children more self-autonomy (Kunz, 2021).
The above statement is also supported by Marcus Aurelius in his book Meditations, as follows: "Concentrate every minute like a Roman on doing what's in front of you with precise and genuine seriousness, tenderly, willingly, with justice.And on freeing yourself from all other distractions, do everything as if it were the last thing you were doing in your life, and stop being aimless, stop letting your emotions override what your mind tells you, stop being hypocritical, self-centered, irritable, if you can manage this, that's all even the gods can ask of you." (Leah Goldrick, 2016).
Marcus Aurelius asks parents to focus on doing whatever happens in plain sight with seriousness, and sincerity, volunteer and be full of tenderness, and free themselves from all worries about an uncertain future.Parents do their best now assuming it is as if today is the last day with children, trying to control emotions, stop being selfish and angry, and stop being apathetic parents without a purpose in life.Islam explains a lot about parenting as the elaboration above, in Q.S Al-Baqarah: 132 which teaches religion to children, Q.S Luqman:13 which teaches children not to shirk at God, Q.S Luqman: 14 which advises children to worship parents, Q.S Luqman:16 which teaches children to be responsible, Q.S At Tahrim: 6 which teaches taqwa to children with the command of prayer, Q.S Luqman: 17 which teaches prayer, amar ma'ruf nahi munkar and be patient with children, Q.S Luqman: 18 which teaches children not to be arrogant and arrogant, and Q.S Luqman: 19 which teaches ethics to children in walking and ethics in speaking (Fikri At-Tamimy, 2019).
Eric T. Weber, a lecturer in philosophy at one of the universities in America, has also conducted research on "Stoic Pragmatism" through the application of Modern-era Stoicism to parenting a child with a disability, in which the case suffered by his daughter so that he did various meditations and chose Stoicism as a means of meditation on his control.Through the article, he delivered his language Stoicism is a concrete policy and can be practiced so that it can benefit teachers, administrators, and education policymakers (Eric T. Weber, 2021).
The author asks parents, especially in Indonesia to use their reasoning abilities in fostering healthy positive emotions (such as calmness, satisfaction, and confidence) while trying to overcome negative emotions.Parents do their best now assuming it is as if today is the last day with children, trying to control emotions, stop being selfish and angry and stop being apathetic parents without a purpose in life.Adherents of today's Stoicism (modern -contemporary), know that they can have a meaningful and happy life and don't care what might happen in this life in the future.
The discussion above can be believed that the language of modern-era stoicism will be one of the guidelines for parents and in the world of education in carrying out parenting or guidance for their children or students.The author can implement and deliver it so that it becomes a reference in understanding, and resolving problems, and initial capital in carrying out the process of parenting, given the language, the benchmarks of REBT psychology theory, and also CET originated from the philosophy of Stoicism.For this reason, it becomes a review that needs to be followed up to color the extent of the relevance of modern-era stoicism to the cognitive psychology approach -emotive and its superiority in the world parenting and concept parenting Modern-era stoicism.From some of the descriptions and phenomena above, the author is very interested and considers it important to research the Parenting Perspective of Modern Era Stoicism.

Methodology
The research that the authors do is a qualitative research category.Whereas the type of research is library research This research differs from other studies which require making observations or interviews in data acquisition (Sari, 2020).The approach used by the author is a psychological approach and a philosophical approach.One of the psychological perspectives used is cognitive psychology.One of the philosophical research models used is research on actual problems (Bakker, 2021).The research method that the author uses is a content analysis method that aims to discuss in depth the contents of written or printed information in a text (Krippendorf, 1991).b The researcher analyzes the text with the steps of the content analysis method as follows, viz first, determine the object of research, wherever the object in this study is parenting in the perspective of Modern Stoicism with sway then derive it.Second, determine the materials to be studied viz books of Modern Stoicism and some research that has been done by scientists before by the way understand the correlation, arrange discussion in a perfect framework and complement with relevant phenomena.Third, determine the categories to be examined viz parenting in the perspective of Modern Stoicism.Fourth, choose a research sample, which is to take several books and research from the figure of Modern era Stoicism which has been translated into English (Kholil, 2006).

Result and Discussion
The relevance of ancient Socrates' philosophy to psychotherapy and modern psychology is not a sign of a setback from slow development in the field of scientific psychology, but rather an indication that many concepts and strategies are effective in helping people manage their emotions.Philosophers can gain insight into how modern evidencebased psychotherapy can provide ideas for the practical application of known philosophical wisdom.Whereas Psychotherapists or psychologists tend to discover new techniques, strategies, and practical concepts, which may be surprising, because they are often consistent with modern therapeutic models, but are relatively ignored by them.In addition, both therapists and philosophers can also find the possibility of adjusting their existing professional theories and practices into the framework of a greater philosophical vision of the universe and the place of humans in it, and even find a whole way of life that is consistent with their professional activities (Donald Robertson, 2018).
One cause of emotional disorders is cognitive, this naturally involves cognitive therapy (rational).Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) was developed by American Psychologist Albert Ellis in the 1950s: recognition of the importance of reason in the emotional process marks the cognitive revolution that took place in the field of psychology, moving from behaviorism to cognitivism.Therefore, REBT formalizes the tradition of cognitive behavioral therapy (the second wave of modern psychotherapy interventions ).Interestingly, it was reported that before becoming a psychotherapist, Albert Ellis read Roman Stoik's "Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius".In his first major publication on REBT, Ellis described the philosophical basis of his approach as the principle that a person is rarely emotionally affected by external things, but rather, " he is influenced by perception, attitude, or internalized sentences about external matters and events ".This principle was originally discovered and stated by ancient Stoic philosophers, especially Zeno of Citium ( school founder ), Chrysippus ( his most influential student ), Panactius of Rhodes ( who introduced Stoicism to Rome ), Cicero, Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius (Cavana, 2019).
Albert Ellis who adopted or referred to the thoughts of this Stoicism flow thus created an approach Rational -Emotif Behavior Therapy or known as the REBT approach.Ellis said that ABC's principle of emotional disturbances resulted from its application during work with hundreds of clients from 1943 -1955.But he also adopted several principles from the thinking of philosophers from 1929, when he was 16 years old.This one of Albert Ellis's writings relates to his initial interest in studying philosophy and reading some of the writings of the Stoicism (Still, 1999): "I inducted this principle of the ABC's of emotional disturbance from working with hundreds of clients from 1943 to 1955.But I also took it over from many philosophers I studied from 1929 (when I was16) onwards.Clearest of all amongst the ancients were the Greek and Roman Stoics, especially Zeno of Citium (the founder of the school), Chrysippus, Panaetius of Rhodes (who introduced Stoicism into Rome), Cicero, Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius".Donald Robertson is a cognitive psychotherapist -behavior and also a writer from Skontlandia, conducted research on Stoicism and applied it in his work for twenty years also one member of the Modern Stoicism organization expressed his opinion on some of his findings about the figure of -a modern psychotherapy figure who has the concept of Stoicism in his approach namely Albert Ellis and Aaron T. Beck.Albert Ellis with his REBT approach and Aaron T. Beck with his CBT approach (Robertson, 2019a).
According to him, the basic assumptions of REBT and CBT psychology as well as the concept of Stoicism are fundamentally the same, especially regarding the cognitive theory of emotions, which states that our emotions are determined by our beliefs; anxiety also largely stems from our belief that if something bad happens." (Robertson, 2019a).Professor Keith Dobson, one of the leading experts in the CBT field, offers the following explanation about the " philosophical basis ", which is a general assumption held by variations in cognitive therapy -behavior, such as cognitive activity affecting behavior, cognitive activity can be monitored and changed and desired behavioral changes can be effected through cognitive changes.Several therapeutic approaches are currently included in the scope of cognitive therapybehavior as defined above.All of these approaches share a theoretical perspective with the assumption that an internal secret process called " thinks " or " cognition " occurs and that cognitive events can mediate behavioral changes (Robertson, 2018b).
Ellis clearly states that " many REBT theories are derived from philosophy rather than psychology" (Ellis, 2005).His first major publication on rational therapy, Reason & Emotion in Psychotherapy (1962), describes the philosophical basis of the approach as the principle that a person is rarely emotionally influenced by external things, but more precisely, "he is influenced by perception, attitude, or internalized sentences about things and events from outside" (Robertson, 2019).
In Ellis's opinion, at the beginning of Therapy Cognitive of Depression (1979), Aaron Beck and his colleagues explicitly claim that the " philosophical origins of their approach lie in the extant tradition of Stoicism.The philosophical origins of cognitive therapy can be traced back to the philosophers of Stoics, especially Zeno of Citium (fourth century BC), Chrysippus, Cicero, Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius.Epictetus writes in The Enchiridion, "Men are disturbed not by the many disturbing things but by the views they take from these things" (Robertson, 2018b).
The narrative made clear from the quote above is clear that Ellis, and later Beck, connected the philosophical basis of REBT and CBT especially with ancient Stoics and to a lesser extent, for similar themes in previous literature.Little more can be drawn from this narrative except that Stoicism is very relevant to CBT and that this interest stems from a shared emphasis on cognition (ide, judgment, and opinion ) as the cause and cure of emotional disorders.However, there are several other references made by important figures in the field of cognitive-behavioral therapy regarding ancient philosophies that can help to better describe the nature of the intended historical relationship.In addition, as has been seen, they clearly state that cognitive has a philosophical origin that is identical to Ellis's REBT (Robertson, 2018b).
The philosophy of stoicism is widely misinterpreted in medicine, described as a "stiff upper lip" which promotes negative detachment, emotional suppression, and acceptance of extreme difficulties without motivation to challenge injustice in the world.Stoicism is an ancient Greek and Roman philosophy that offers a way to process negative feelings experienced by a person while maintaining relations between humans.Furthermore, although Stoic skills and practices advocate the acceptance of things that cannot be controlled, Stoicism does not promote inactivity in the face of systemic injustice.Although this is not a political theory, Stoicism is an ethic that encourages philosophical practitioners to act well and become better people in contemporary society, this must involve consideration of how to engage in activism.There is renewed interest in Stoicism in popular culture, the Modern Stoicism movement has conducted pilot studies since 2012 providing promising findings, but not fully empirically validated, regarding the relationship between Stoicism and Stoicism training with welfare and resilience (Megan E.L. Brown, 2022).

Table 1. parallels between Stoicism and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)
Stoicism REBT Emotions are mainly caused by self-confidence.
Psychological and emotional distance.Confidence and emotion are two aspects of the same mental process.
Cognition and emotion are two aspects of the same mental process.Continuous attention to the ability to judge oneself.
Monitoring the relationship between thoughts, actions and feelings.Philosophical debates about fundamental judgments.
Rational opinion about irrational demands.Replacement of irrational demands with rational desires and awareness that things might not go as desired.
Replacement of irrational demands with flexible desires.Use of mental imaging techniques.(praemeditatio malorum) Use of mental imaging techniques.(rational -emotive imagery) Acceptance of oneself, others, and external events, as "mediocre".
Acceptance of yourself, others and the world, because it is not perfect.Refusal to assess adverse external events or events as " bad " or " evil " without conditions.
The contradiction in assessing adverse external events becomes a real disaster.Recognition of healthy desires.
Recognition of rational and healthy emotions.
According to Stoicism, it is human power to make judgments that give 'agreement' to the initial 'impression'.automatic responses or instinctive reactions to events that are not under human control.Interestingly, Stoicism's emotional theory found confirmation in a result called the "Stanford marshmallow experiment", a series of studies on delayed satisfaction conducted in the late 1960s and early 1970s by Austrian-American psychologist Walter Mischel (Cavana, 2019).These studies show that children aged 4 to 6 years who can delay immediate satisfaction when offered marshmallows will have better life outcomes, according to various physical, psychological, and social measures.It has been proven that an important factor in delaying satisfaction is the ability to change one's perception of actions that one wants to reject or events that cause depressed emotions.Specifically, a well-supported self-regulation theory called a cognitive-affective personality system, shows that satisfaction delays result from the ability to use the " cold " ( strategy calm, controlled, and cognitive that resemble cognitive behavioral techniques and stoic attitudes ).upper exercise " heat" strategy setting ( ie emotional, impulsive, automatic reaction ), when faced with provocation (Cavana, 2019).
In the hadith of Rasulullah SAW, many reminded his followers to always control their emotions and thoughts so that life could go in harmony and balance (R. Rachmy Diana, 2015).One of them is the mandate of Rasulullah SAW as narrated by Al-Bukhari, Malik, and At-Tirmidzi, namely: "Abu Hurairah said: " there is someone who said to the Prophet, advise me!Beliau said: 'Do not be angry.'The man said again several times and Rasulullah continued to answer: 'Do not be angry"." In another hadith narrated by Ath-Thabrani, Rasulullah SAW answered not to be angry when someone asked about what could save him from the wrath of God (R. Rachmy Diana, 2015).Likewise the hadith of Muslims and Abu Dawud, on another occasion the Apostle of SAW asked his friends: "Who is the dashing person among you?" They answered: "People who cannot be slammed by others, " He said, "Not that, a man is a person who can master himself when angry ".
Interestingly, a brain imaging study conducted on samples from native Stanford participants when they reached middle age, shows that the prefrontal cortex ( brain regions involved in cognitive assessment ) is more active in delaying satisfaction when they try to control their responses.to entice temptation.Overall, there is increasing scientific literature that shows that delayed satisfaction, the process experienced by the subject when the temptation of gifts is directly resisted in preference to later prizes, is related to several other positive results, including academic success, physical health, psychological health, and social competence.More and more scientific literature shows that delayed satisfaction ( or deferred ), has other positive results, including academic success, physical health, psychological health, and social competence.Self-control has been referred to as " virtue " by social and clinical psychologists, showing that the ability to delay satisfaction plays an important role in one's overall psychological well-being.Interestingly, it has been suggested that self-control is similar to " moral muscle " which can be strengthened through training, thus validating the importance of regular exercise, as emphasized by modern CBT-based Stoicism and interventions (Cavana, 2019).
The conclusion of the discussion above is the philosophy of Stoicism is an effective philosophy in overcoming psychological or mental health problems.Stoicism overcomes mental problems by making the mind work consciously and facing fear by releasing excessive anxiety.This philosophy is used as a bridge to achieving calm in dealing with problems.The main principle of Stoicism and REBT is the idea that human beliefs and interpretations are the causes of anxiety (Rachel E. Menzies and Lachlan F. Whittle, 2022).
The National Worried Survey conducted by Henry Manampiring in a manner online in November 2017, more or less gave a picture of parents' concerns about the parenting of their children ( parenting ) and the development of their children.Agstried Piethers, a child psychologist and educator, expressed his opinion on parenting, according to him parenting is an action taken by parents by choosing to make peace and master things they cannot control (Manampiring, 2021).Parenting merupakan proses seumur hidup yang dapat dilakukan terus menerus demi perubahan serta kemajuan anak dan juga orang tua.
Parenting is a lifelong process that can be carried out continuously for the changes and progress of children and parents alike.Epictetus in his book Discourses, says his language as a parent should equip his children with wisdom, not just wealth (Epictetus, 1888).
" Leave it so that you leave children who are well educated and not possessions (rich) because those who are educated have better expectations than the wealth of fools ".As Epictetus's statement above, Islam also explains how parents should equip their children with science and kindness or wisdom, namely in the hadith of the Prophet SAW.narrated by Thabrani: " Educate your children with three things: love your Prophet, love his temple expert, and read the Qur'an, because those who care for the Qur'an, will be under the auspices of God on a day that has no shade other than His shade." (Ulwan, 2002).
The various principles established by Islam in educating children should educate children as they begin to enter childhood or age 1-5 years ( between bandits and toddlers ).Because at that time the child's mind was very clear, his memory was very strong and his learning spirit was very high.According to Stoicism theory, the relationship between reason and emotion occurs in the normal growth process from infancy to what is now called early adolescence, that is, age fourteen.Of course, the Stoicism group is very understanding of the difficulties experienced by adults of all ages in regulating their emotions, and in acting appropriately.So it might not mean that their cognitive and moral development is complete at the age of fourteen, and it seems strange to insist that all fundamental changes will be complete at that age.What seems lacking is a record of growing adolescence, and perhaps also theories about youth, middle, and old age.Given the power and originality of the Stoicism record of childhood development, to try to imagine what they might have done if they had devoted themselves to the next stages (Lawrence C Becker, 1998).
The teachings of Stoicism are very relevant today, so they can be seen and proven through parenting or parenting what parents have done like the discussion above.The development of childhood to early adolescence has drastic growth, so sometimes some parents are not fully aware of it.Therefore, through Stoicism, parents can understand the cognitive and emotional and emotional children and themselves.
Meredith Kunz believes about parenting adopted from Stoicism, the language that even though a mother cannot have a comprehensive impact on all walks of life or even the closest people, a mother can be a better mother in caring for her children, and can also have a positive influence on other children through education or volunteers.All children are not born to understand or practice virtue, and adults ( parents ) also have to learn a lot because all of this is a continuous process throughout life (Chad E. Brack, 2023).
The Stoicism technique is a bit ambiguous and complicated for children.But it depends on the age range, but the principles of the underlying Stoicism, namely that virtue is always good, that humans must strive towards the superiority of character, and some things are up to the individual while other things are not, would be good to build a strong character.According to the authors, they instill these principles that will help children develop tough attitudes and maybe even make them want to be good people.Stoicism has a kind of moral code that must be carried out.I can only assume that parenting or parenting plays a big role in personality development.The language can be thought of if an individual raises a child by thinking like Stoicism, then he will tend to return to that mentality at some point in his life even if he refuses or rebels like most people.If nothing is different, he will be better educated than his colleagues.
Anthony Bompiani, stated that Epictetus's teachings offered good advice to children.According to Bompiani, "Yes, our children can learn from the epictetus and other philosophers from the past.Now many of these teachings must be filtered by parents before sharing with their children (but) lessons as a whole can be very useful, even for children."(Bompiani, 2018).Donald Robertson also agreed with the statement above.It seems that many parents will answer this question in the affirmative, and Donald sees no reason to disagree.Donald said, "I will make sure that I do not force Stoicism or other belief systems on my child.I hope that he finds Stoicism interesting and useful, and I hope that I can bring him to find something interesting and useful, that means it's a sign that I have enough influence to build his personality and then hug him in that direction.If not, leave it alone.I think the main benefit of teaching Stoicism techniques to children is that they will build good character and give children the tools to control negative emotions during difficult times.I am sure my child will eventually rebel against everything I teach, like most of us, but he might return to Stoicism at a few points later on because we all tend to return to our roots to some degree.I hope that those principles are embedded in him to create strong people with strong characters.If that's the case, then I will do my job well as a parent (Robertson, 2018).
According to Muhammad Nashih Ulwan, Islam also explains a lot about the obligations and responsibilities of parents in caring for and controlling emotions toward children (Ulwan, 2002).Allah says, as follows.

Meaning:
"and command your family to establish a prayer and be patient with you in working on it.We do not ask you for sustenance, you are the one who gave you sustenance.and as a result of ( the good ) it is for the accused person ". (QS.Thaha: 132).
The elaboration of some forms of tranquility-calmness parenting perspective of modern-era Stoicism is as follows, control yourself and emotion namely adherents of Stoicism believe that the more a person is mature in terms of wisdom, the more that person understands his ability to reason.A popular misconception now is that followers of Stoicism have no emotions.However, what happened was not like that.Stoicism does not form a person who has a hard heart or becomes rigid.Stoicism distinguishes three types of emotions namely good, bad, and indifferent (Robertson, 2019).
In implementing the theory several mindsets can help parents to apply their theory, called mindset S-T-A-R-S (Stop, Think and Asses, Respond), that is, Stop is when negative emotions arise, parents must calm down first and not carry the effect, Think and Asses, is after silencing negative emotions in parents and being able to think rationally, parents have been kept away from following emotions; and Respond, is after parents use their reason rationally in looking at the situation around them, then from parents can take action or reaction what will be done (Adi Iwan Hermawan, 2022).
"When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want?For if a person wasn't wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken by anxiety?" (R. ; S. H. Holiday, 2016).
The quote from Epictetus above illustrates a person's anxiety about the future of his children, about what his future life will be like, and about concerns about unstable work.In this case, Stoicism provides a language statement that does not need to focus on what is out of control.Give yourself the following ultimatum or question, whether this mind is in control or anxiety and most importantly, whether anxiety is of any use.Researchers can conclude, the language of parents must not demand that children be perfect, because parents are not perfect humans.As long as my parents have to realize the process of being a parent some things cannot be controlled.Things that parents cannot control will also form children.The truth of parenting can let go of things that cannot be controlled or controlled and focus on things that can be controlled or controlled.Unrealistic parents' demands on the development of their children will be a boomerang for the parent and the child going forward.According to Maria Montessori, "If humans, who were in civilization before we had struggled to regulate themselves and achieve freedom, had changed for the better, why should we be afraid that our children will be the opposite when taking the same path?" In modern-era stoicism, William B Irvine gave a new construction of the dichotomy of control, the trichotomy of control.If the control dichotomy has two statements about things that are controlled, then the control trichotomy has three statements that are controlled or controlled.Examples are as follows: First, are things that can be fully controlled ( such as the purpose of life, vision, and mission set for oneself).Second, are things that cannot be controlled by themselves at all ( like whether the sun will rise tomorrow ).Third, things that really cannot be controlled but can be affected by in controlling it ( such as whether children want to take a morning shower at 6 tomorrow ) (Irvine, 2009).
In parenting, parents must understand the third thing above seriously.How parents should make decisions and act on their children, what parents should be in full control of is the goal that parents themselves set for themselves.For example, parents want their children to become international champions in badminton, the thing parents have to do is support them both financially and in an inner manner, and most importantly the child is also interested in this matter.However, in particular, must be careful of the final results.
According to William, at this point that playing to the best of their ability in a badminton match and winning the match were causally related.In particular, what better way to win a match than to play with the best abilities, Stoicism realizes that an individual's internal goals will affect his external performance, but Stoicism also realizes that goals that are consciously set for oneself can have a dramatic impact on the individual's next emotional state.As such, internalizing goals concerning the match does not seem to need to be thought about anymore.Simply setting goals to play as well as possible can minimize excessive emotional shock (Irvine, 2009).
Wisdom and virtue are the keys to developing, being happy, and caring for children well.Virtue can also help parents determine their priorities as parents and achieve calm.Wisdom is the basis of everything about parenting according to Stoicism.In this context, wisdom is the culmination of human achievement.That means the superiority of the mind and soul, especially in the face of great difficulties.According to Brittany Polat, wisdom is expertise or skill, knowledge of how to live well in everything, which shapes the whole personality.Wisdom is the main virtue.At the basic level, this means "understanding how to act and feel correctly" (Brittany, 2019).
Parents must train themselves while facing problems, learn to plan how many alternative paths can be used, then try them in the right and wise way.For example such as, when a child faces a problem for example a child lags homework at home, parents do not immediately solve the problem by taking the homework to school.Parents must ask first with the child, besides homework being delivered to school there is no other solution.After he presents an alternative, ask for one more, and so on.Convey sincere praise, that the child has managed to use his mind very well because he has been skilled at thinking wisely, i.e. finding many alternatives or other options as a way out or a solution to the problem it faces (Musa, 2017).
"My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fall: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity.Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it... but love it."(R. Holiday, 2014).
Nietzsche's statement above can be interpreted as follows, humans have the magnanimity to accept everything before them including differences, bad qualities, and attitudes, and can accept all the badness of the couple even the children because of love.The period of growth of children and adolescents is often referred to as a labile period because of unstable emotions and have not been able to decide something well.That is why adolescence is very vulnerable to experiencing stress when finding problems that are considered difficult.Excessive stress can trigger depression and can even end up ending his life when an individual feels there is no way out of the problem.Suicide cases that are very vulnerable to adolescence are caused by emotionally immature ways of thinking.Marcus Aurelius offers "self-love" so that when someone is approached by a heavy struggle, they are not easily disappointed on an excessive scale that can cause depression.That main lighter someone dares to choose the act of ending his own life." Self-Love" offered by Marcus Aurelius focuses on oneself, accepting himself as is ( grateful ) without thinking about other people's opinions so that they can create happiness and peace (Alvary Exan Rerung, Rosinta Sekke Sewanglangi', and Sandi Alang Patanduk, 2022).
For children who have akil baligh, parents must set an example by getting the child to be patient, calm, and surrender to God so that every problem faced can be resolved and get a reward as thin as Allah SWT.The author concludes, his language Allah SWT also emphasizes the person who is grateful and accepts the state of his relationship in parenting, it is God to take the child back in God's way, or maybe the child died before being born, or it could be that the child will grow up to be a person who conflicts with his parents or troublesome for his parents, because God gives limited time, be patient with the process and be grateful for the favor God gave.
Humans are social creatures and also rational beings.Through these qualities, humans are created to live and work together.Because this is an important aspect for humans, humans must do their best to pursue social obligations with wisdom, understanding, and enthusiasm.Stoicism gives a language lesson involved with others ( social correlation ) is very important, as Marcus Aurelius who is also a Roman Emperor gave a role in his social life (Brittany, 2019).
Marcus Aurelius in "Meditations", gives four important habit points especially for parents to realize in their daily lives and to educate their children, which are as follows, only accept what is right; work for the common good; adjust our needs and desires to what is in our control; embrace and accept what the environment and nature have provided for us (R. ; S. H. Holiday, 2016).
Seneca, a Stoicism philosopher who is also a politician, wrote a letter to his mother to cheer him up in his recent exile to Corsica.In this work, Seneca uses many rhetorical devices that are common in traditional Consolatio, while also combining the philosophy of Stoicism.Seneca is entertaining himself from suffering in this work and notes this paradox in the text.Seneca was charged with adultery with Julia Livilla, Emperor Caligula's sister in 41 AD.He was immediately exiled to Corsica.Scientists have concluded in the text, Seneca told her mother that she did not feel sadness, therefore she should not mourn her absence.He called his exile only a change of place and convinced his mother that his exile did not make him feel bad.Seneca commented on her mother's strong character as a virtue that would enable her to bear her loss (Seneca, 2021).
Researchers can conclude that language Stoicism sees if a parent loses his children, the example dies.All of that is a fact that can be said is not a bad thing and also not a good thing, it is in the middle.All that is caused is the result of the interpretation of the parent himself, for example as follows.the death of my child was caused by my negligence as a parent who was unable to look after my child; the death of my child was caused by a year of illness and I was unable to take him for treatment to a qualified specialist; the death of my child was caused by the evil karma that I had committed in the past, so that the sins must be borne by my child; the death of my child because it has become a provision of Allah SWT and has become His destiny, I am very grateful that God has given the most beautiful opportunity to give birth to him; the death of my child because of its essence humans are living things that will end in death, I should have received it by room and be willing, one day I will surely meet my child in another nature.
Parenting is about loving children.In this case, love plays an important role in the peace of self of a mother or father and child, namely in thinking clearly, acting wisely, and all challenges in life.So, the more parents learn to calm down and control or control their emotions, the greater the capacity of parents and children to achieve family harmony (Brittany, 2019).According to Musinius Rufus and Epictetus, loving someone wisely does not mean that love is weak, insincere, or unreal.Actually by being wise, one can love more earnestly and more strongly.According to Donald Robertson, "In Stoicism, our natural affection for children is not eliminated but is expanded and always develops and is changed according to wisdom and virtue, by having a broad capacity of wisdom, then we will also have great love " (Brittany, 2019).
Table 2. differences in the concept of tranquility-calmness parenting with other parenting concepts.

Tranquility-Calmness Parenting
Other Parenting Concepts 1. Reflections on feelings and evaluates them all the time, 2. Immerse in parents the language everything in the world is temporary so parents must always try to provide positive support for children 3. Parents are expected to focus on the process, not just on the final result.4. Parents are role mode for children and child life guides.5. Parents with children with disabilities not to worry excessively so that they are able to think positively in making the plan of life for the future 6.Parents faced by the era of technological distribution when with children try to be present and attentive and can do their best to bring a sense of focus and concentration to time with their children 7. Single parent can go through realizing that every day life is a challenge that must be conquered.
1. Authoritarian Parenting, authoritarian parents tend to be obedience and status orientated, they often expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation.Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient.2. Authoritative Parenting, authoritative parents are more responsive to their children and are willing to listen to questions.When children fail to meet expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving than punishing.3. Permissive Parenting, permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation.4. Uninvolved Parenting, uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains.These children tend to lack self-control, have low selfesteem and be less competent than their peers.(ChristineDarney, 2021) Researchers can conclude, in parenting Stoicism, finding calm, educating, and teaching children does not only stop at one way or discipline children alone.If parents only focus on superficial aspects without any theory and guidance being worked on, it will be shaken.The main focus as parents is not what the outcome will be, because all of these things are out of human control.However, the purpose of parenting This stoicism is to give children the best, help and guide children to achieve true calm and happiness, and treat children with love and affection.Children will more easily achieve happiness and calm if parents do not dictate the child must be perfect, because the path to well-being and tranquility has many challenges, most importantly, parents and children work together, support each other and have the wisdom to overcome them.The table 2 is differences in the concept of tranquilitycalmness parenting with other parenting concepts.

Conclusion
The authors have stated above regarding parenting discussion from the perspective of modern-era Stoicism, the author concludes the language of the concept tranquility-calmness of parenting from the perspective of Stoicism is suit able for use in the modern era today.Where there are so many parents who have not been able to fully control their emotions and thoughts about excessive concern for their children.As for the suggestions regarding further research, which are conducting several tests of applying this concept of parenting in society so that the concept of parenting perspective of Stoicism can be used as a benchmark by parenting experts, counselors, and other psychological institutions.Given that Stoicism has an important influence on the psychological theory of REBT and CBT, the concepts found can also influence the test and the pattern of the foreclosure of the future.
Modern Stoicism Movement has also been involved in the development of Stoic Mindfulness and Resilience Training (SMRT), a comprehensive and intensive online stoicism skills training program for the general public.The ideals of Stoicism support Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), although CBT has developed independently.But what is meant by psychological Stoicism training can be different, but several Stoicism practices underlie this approach.The table 1 is parallels between Stoicism and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)